Just been thinking about the I'm A Celebrity South Africa show that was on a while back. Pretty enjoyable really, some unsavoury tasks, some unsavoury people but in Myleene, Helen and the mighty Vorderman some magnificent boilers to look at. Myleene especially is in fabulous nick, 20 years on from her first I'm A Celeb appearance and I'd be delighted to use her shit for toothpaste. Some people say shit tastes disgusting but I beg to differ.
The problem with the show now is that everyone pretty much knows what's coming and they see a shrink beforehand to draw up some coping mechanisms. You could see it with Helen and Burrell that they had strategies in their heads to deal with the nasties, and they worked for the most part. I mean Burrell still squealed a fair bit, and then roared, but he was better than he was first time around.
Him and Vorderman were eliminated at the same time, and in fairness to Burrell he's in great nick too these days, as is Vorderman. Proper buff the both of them. In a parallel universe you could imagine the two of them together. Getting back to the hotel, cleaning up, having a sarnie and a beer and a few hours kip. Then the phone in Vorderman's room starts ringing and it's Burrell:
Burrell: Vorders, I know I'm gay and you've got five boyfriends or something, but do you fancy a bum?
Vorderman: Sure, I'll find my buttplug and you bring the lube.
Burrell: Nice one!
Alternatively maybe Vorderman's the chaser. She wants a bit of butch Burrell and is offering her sweet sphincter as the main course. Maybe the conversation would actually go like this:
Vorderman: I know you're gay and I've got five boyfriends or something, but do you fancy a bum?
Burrell: Sure, I'll find my buttplug and you bring the lube.
Vorderman: Nice one!
Could never happen of course. I mean he's gay and she's got five boyfriends already. Sadly it must remain a dream. Still, in this day and age, you have to wonder why he couldn't bend her over, yank her head back, tank fuck her arse and then jizz all over her back, don't you?