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  • Mental Ramblings

Do you want a Crunchie as well?

- You what?

- Do you want a Crunchie as well?

Obviously I was fucking livid, I'd just finished my tiramisu and was about to pay the bill when these two fucking heathens had to have a shouted conversation across the restaurant floor. Proper pair of cunts. The restaurant was part of a hotel so these cunts were raiding the fucking vending machine rather than dining in. I'd spied them necking a pint or three of Carling earlier on in the evening, fucking pricks.

I couldn't help but confront the guy as he stood in front of the machine. When I say confront I let the first Crunchie drop down ready to be picked up before I smashed the geezer face first into the machine. It was better built than this fella's boat race which spurted blood and teeth as he fell to the floor. The glass frontage of the vending machine, while not unscathed, proved it was very much more of a man than he was.

Fortunately the machine was out of the way so I had time to put the boot in on this arsehole before anyone else knew what was happening. Nevertheless before I'd quite tired of showing this wanker what was what people did arrive to see a, in their eyes, defenceless victim getting a right good going over. I stopped as the growing crowd looked on in horror. The guy was sat down, kind of crumpled with a blood stained face and weirdly a huge grin. He reached back to grab the Crunchie, ripped it open and took a bite.

- I've been waiting for you to do that to me all night.

We've been married three years now.

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