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  • Mental Ramblings

Dear Rishi Sunak

Updated: Apr 18, 2023

Chances of me voting for you are near zero, but to qualify that the chances of me voting for any politician is about the same. My preference would be for you all to do the decent thing and immolate yourselves in front of the Houses of Parliament and a new government be appointed. Not by means of election, the new government will consist of people who have never shown an interest before, plucked from the general public. We can't risk any chancers like you getting in again can we?


Anyway, to the point of this letter. I was gnawing on a KFC Hot Wing earlier and I started to wonder about longest and shortest days and such, and in turn which would be the longest and shortest Chicken Tuesday of the year. I managed to work out that the first Chicken Tuesday of the year was simultaneously the longest and the shortest but after that I was stumped, or drumsticked maybe! Anyway, if you show the courtesy of getting back to me on this I will show likewise by considering voting for you at the next election. By answering me you will demonstrate that you are a better man than the Dalai Lama, Donald Trump (Jr and Sr), that Zelenskyy slice and Nicola Sturgeon. You could argue that the Ukrainian President has bigger fish to fry but if he can create time to cuddle up to Kay Burley he can fucking well answer me can't he?


PS I bumped into Jeremy Corbyn once on the way to get Beef Monster Munch from my local shop. They didn't have any. Jeremy said if I voted for him he'd ensure that every shop that could be expected to offer Beef Monster Munch would be legally obliged to do so if he became PM. He also offered to piss up my arse if I promised to tick his box, as it were. Obviously that offer was too good to turn down and what separates him from the likes of you and your Tory government. He not only delivered on the arse pissing front but he also sourced a box full of Beef Monster Munch for me and I know for a fact that he didn't claim it on expenses. Joke was on him though, he didn't have to piss up my arse at all, I was gonna vote labour anyway!

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