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  • Mental Ramblings

Two Weeks!

Total Recall - what a fucking film. I'll watch it whenever it's on and even with many, many viewings by now i still can't find fault with it, no quibbles at all. Apart from the one I have for myself for being a moron. Years after its release a friend 'suggested' to me that none of what happens after Doug visits REKALL is real, just the memories he requested - the Blue Skies on Mars implant.

Still that doesn't make things any less awesome, and from the clip above it's obvious I don't mean the shitty remake. I mean anything with Beckinsale in is going to get a watch, she's magnificent, but in a similar fashion to the Robocop remake it was pointless and without balls. The best thing about the remake is Mark Kermode saying in his review that he felt the need to point out to his son that women don't have 3 breasts.

It reminds me of the joke - that doesn't work written down - about why this part of a woman (gestures towards the midriff) is called the waist (waste)? It's because you could easily fit another pair of tits there. Anyway it seems unlikely that Kermode Jr didn't know that 2 is the maximum breastage for human women. But...if a kid sneaked into the 1990 showing, before home internet access was widespread, maybe he wouldn't know?

Imagine the disappointment! You're a kid who's got hold of a jazz mag once in a while or found your big brother's knackered VHS of some german grot with the biggest bushes of all time. Overall though you haven't seen that much compared to what kids now are exposed to. You manage to see the new Arnie flick in '90 and see that some birds have 3 titties, fucking eh! Then when you start to get some action with the opposite sex and unhook a few bras you find that they only come in pairs. You get nothing for a pair - not in this game!

What a pisser. Anyway, the lovely Melina isn't held back by just having two jubblies, she's sleazy AND demure and an absolute cracker. Then we have the yin to her yang - or is it the other way round? - of prime Sharon Stone. Phenomenal as Michael van Gerwen would say. If she wanted to do to me what she does to Arnie in the clip below I'd probably love it too.

Then you have Michael Ironside as (see you at the party!) Richter, Ronny Cox as Cohaagen - see also Robocop (original) and Beverly Hills Cop - and the truly disturbing special effects when they end up on the surface of Mars. Obviously it would be shit CGI now, or perhaps realistic CGI to represent what some science cunt says about how things would really happen. But these practical effects, while not seeming realistic as such - again what would realistic actually be? - look truly horrific and the screaming sounds are horrific too.

All in all Total Recall is just a fucking great film. Probably could have just typed that really :).

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