Dead Klingon Storage

Jean-Luc is heading back to his quarters after a marathon session with Beverly (during which Troi watched on, flicking her bean). He rounds the last corner to find the following scene:

Jean-Luc: No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign out in front of my quarters that said "Dead Klingon Storage"?

Geordi: Jean-Luc, you know I ain't seen no...

Jean-Luc: [cutting him off again; getting angry] Did you notice a sign out in front of my quarters that said "Dead Klingon Storage"?

Geordi: [pause] No. I didn't.

Jean-Luc: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?

Geordi: Why?

Jean-Luc: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead Klingons ain't my fucking business, that's why!

I've Got Hooks For Hands

I've got hooks for hands

And a rather small glans

So having a wank

Isn't part of my plans

And wiping my arse

Is a thing of the past

If I try it with hooks

I'll need help pretty fast

Taking a piss

Is a hell of a risk

I aim for the bowl

But invariably miss

Picking my nose

Ends with blood on my clothes

One slip of a hook

It's lights out I suppose

I've got hooks for hands

And a rather small glans

So having a wank

Isn't part of my plans

Read the sequel: Hooks For Hands II: Electric Boogaloo

Doddery old cunt

Grandson: John at work was a right cunt today grandad

Grandad: did you kill him?

Grandson: Jesus why do you want to have everyone killed?

Grandad: because cunts deserve to die, I've killed my share

Grandson: you never killed anyone, you always got someone else to do it

Grandad: fair enough. Cunt.

Grandad shoots grandson in the head. Gets up and leaves the house.