'Stunning & Brave' is the new beer from Mental Ramblings Breweries and it's the world's very first transgender beverage - or should we say "gender fluid"! Is it a lager or is it a bitter? In the vagina or right up the shitter? Whether you're MTF, FTM, ATM or just a man who has sex with other men you simply won't care as the first drop reaches your pre or post op special places. Take it from me / him / they / she and her - once you've had one you'll LGBT queue all day for anot

Hungover. To. Fuck. Whatever I'd done the night before I'd clearly done it to excess, I felt fucking awful. I lay flat on my back, almost scared to move. I was aware from the milisecond during which I'd opened my eyes that the room was very bright. That was why one of the pillows was now on my head, held down as firmly as I could on my face without suffocating myself. The task now was to lie there until I stopped hurting, or stopped hurting enough to actually move. The proble

A Direct Energy ad played seven times in a row in Houston and I started pricing up petrol. A World Cup trip rant, with one sunburnt testicle.

- You what? - Do you want a Crunchie as well? Obviously I was fucking livid, I'd just finished my tiramisu and was about to pay the bill when these two fucking heathens had to have a shouted conversation across the restaurant floor. Proper pair of cunts. The restaurant was part of a hotel so these cunts were raiding the fucking vending machine rather than dining in. I'd spied them necking a pint or three of Carling earlier on in the evening, fucking pricks. I couldn't help bu

Very occasionally I drink red wine. Very occasionally, when this happens, I want to drink some more. So now and then, when I'm too pissed to use the app, I get Alexa to sort it. “Alright Alexa, two Beef Monster Munch and a bottle of your finest red. And by finest I mean it costs less than a fiver and has a screw top. Oh, and 20 Silk Cut too. I'll stick a fiver in your pocket when you get here." It was under these circumstances that I watched Supergirl. I was already unhappy w

I stayed at the Wandsworth Premier Inn a while back, coincidentally at the same time that a geezer escaped from the nick there. COINCIDENTALLY.

AC/DC, a milf, and a result nobody saw coming.

I emailed myself this at around 6am. Yes, alcohol had been consumed. No, I have no idea what I was trying to tell myself. To be fair I actually sent this: A conglomerate of A conglomerate of Airds tematednarsehoils But you get my point. Well you probably don't.

Has Lita got bush Or is her fanny neater I know I'll eat her! More wrestling haiku: Wrestling Haiku 1 | Wrestling Haiku 2 | Wrestling Haiku 3 | Wrestling Haiku 4 | Wrestling Haiku 7? | Another Wrestling Haiku | Haiku du wrestler avec saucisson Also worth a read: Somehow Kane returned!

I mean properly magical. I'm at a hotel so the bathroom has mirrors everywhere and the lighting was perfect. A not too silver not too gold stream just came out splendidly. A nicely paced steady stream of urine that just felt right. In these tumultuous times it was just what I needed. Next time I might bottle it and send it to Russia so they can POUR IT DOWN THE FUCKING GULLETS OF THOSE INVADING UKRANIAN PIG WHORES!