Mick Carter was starting to come around on that wintry morning in South East London. He assumed one of his treacles, past or present, was the one on top of him licking his face. He was incorrect. He realised what a slice he'd been when he finally opened his eyes to find Lady Di on top of him, the family bulldog. He playfully lifted her off himself and put on his favourite pink dressing gown and slippers, moving to the kitchen with Di following at his heels. Nobody was about i

His head was a pus riddled mixture of boils, blisters and burns from when I’d taken a blow torch to him. Not with the intention of killing him, it was purely for his pain and my pleasure. He still had his eyelids, at least for a few minutes. His nose was broken and his tongue had to be removed a while back. The noise he made when I punished him was both deafening and sickening. I did it with some regret though. Our location was such that nobody else would ever hear his shrie

A streamer's triumphant comeback broadcast takes a turn into the past, where old grudges get settled.

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He wore expensive clothes His favourite brand was Bose When playing The Black Crowes More poems: Margarine Marjorie | Bowel Cancer Brown More short fiction: In For A Penny | The Hamster More short fiction: Doddery old cunt | The Hamster More short fiction: In For A Penny | Tropes | Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I'd fallen asleep in the armchair nearest the telly and was rudely awakened by said TV turning itself on at god knows what time. I was used to waking up when it turned itself off rather than on so this felt weird. But there I was, in the middle of the night, in the dark and essentially still asleep. At least most of my brain was, my eyes and ears were starting to really hate what the television was doing. The screen was white and blinding at first, til the searing red words -

Even if you knew the plan existed, and you never could, none of the info ever went near a computer. It therefore could not be stolen, without data there could be no data breach.

I say "spoiler" but of course the likelihood is that film rights will not be taken up and my ideas will not be in a cinema near you by the time Avatar 97 comes out.

I had suspected for a while that I was suffering from erectile dysfunction.

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A heartwarming short about a grandad and his grandson

THE MAN lies in a hospital bed, stirring. He was pulled from the Thames earlier that day — barely alive. He doesn't know this yet.

10,9,8,7..3,2,1! The music starts, the pyros go off and the crowd goes fucking mental. It's Kane, it's Kane, how is Kane here? Even the remaining participants stop smacking each other and turn to see what's going on. The Big Red Machine is the final entrant in the 2026 Royal Rumble. He slowly makes his way to the ring, old school mask, adjusting his gloves as always. The Undertaker is in the crowd and stands up in shock, jumps the barrier and moves to confront his brother. Th

It shouldn't have been possible but the moon was still on fire. Parts of it would burn for a long time to come, making it visible in the morning sky in Berlin that day. The shuttle had crashed back down to earth, it's inhabitants dead. Germany and indeed the world was in mourning. In Europe, Iron Maiden and Rammstein had led the charge. In America, Metallica and GNR were the first responders, damaging the invaders before a crushing rendition of Machine Head's Halo sent them p

Nobody will get redeemed here. No little pussy will become a lion either. The weak and the meek will be used and abused. The bastards will fuck over whoever has to be fucked over. The "victims" probably don't deserve it but they ask for it in a way. There will not be a change of heart where the nasty fucker becomes a "good guy" in the end. He was born a cunt and he'll die a cunt. By the way, that cunt is me and I'm about to do you some serious fucking harm.

Previously: Cyberdyne Spoiler Alert We estimate that there are 30,000 of us left. We're not sure why we haven't been terminated yet. We've had no contact from anyone else in months. My hope is that we're not seen as a threat to Skynet anymore and we'll be allowed to live on. Others think we'll be gone by the weekend. The lunatic left a note saying he was going to meet with Skynet. I guess he's dead now. There are 'others' by the way, or there were at least. We haven't heard f

Work in progress - attempt at using voice option on google docs Most people don't give a fuck about us snails. In fact it’s even worse than that, there is a clear hatred from some humans towards us. Just the other day me and my mate went into someone's garden for a little snack, a bit of someone's lettuce or tomato, not too much to ask you would think but no look what happens: there's retaliation! Just for us having a little bite to eat and when I say retaliation this isn't