Blog

I'm A Celebrity South Africa: Vorderman, Myleene, and the particular joy of watching people eat things. A short appreciation.

A snail's-eye view of garden warfare, dictated by voice recognition and derailed spectacularly when the software stopped coping. Salt. Pellets. Chaos.

A trawl through a psychiatric hospital’s Google reviews: pills, brainwashing, a Local Guide with 344 photos and a five-star peri peri burger in Reading.

A rambling look at stimulus, temptation and the wonderfully irrational ways our brains react to the world around us.

Wet from the waist up. Poor choices from the waist down. A short story about a man who has problems checking into a hotel.

An open letter to the former Prime Minister on the matter of his tenure. He probably won’t read it. You should.

He lent money without questions, watched Liverpool come back from 3–0 down, and had a favourite line from Dude Where's My Car. RIP mate.

All I needed was something to record my ideas before they vanished. Instead I spent an hour in the spy gadget department and got very interested in a pen.

The motivational phrase examined. The physics don't work. The maths don't work. The landing among stars part especially doesn't work.

'Stunning & Brave' is the new beer from Mental Ramblings Breweries and it's the world's very first transgender beverage - or should we say "gender fluid"! Is it a lager or is it a bitter? In the vagina or right up the shitter? Whether you're MTF, FTM, ATM or just a man who has sex with other men you simply won't care as the first drop reaches your pre or post op special places. Take it from me / him / they / she and her - once you've had one you'll LGBT queue all day for anot

...we're gonna have a rumble. A short declaration of intent.

He's been at it for weeks. Methodical. Thoughtful, even. The fireworks were a nice touch. A man gets what he deserves, described in careful, loving detail.

Peacemaker, the DCEU and a nine-millionth rewatch of Do Ya Wanna Taste It? reveal an unnatural fascination with the woman in the crash helmet.

A Tinder match, a hotel room and one very specific instruction I didn't know to follow. A true story about dating, laziness and the double tap.

While everyone else hates AI, Kunt and the Gang's Kuntwork is embracing it — and I'm all for it.

The room is too bright. Nothing is coming back. The apology template is queued and ready. There is a reasonable possibility, building slowly, that he is dead.

Seven plays in one night in Texas. A Direct Energy ad nearly drove me to murder. A World Cup trip rant, with one sunburnt testicle.

What happens when a washing machine becomes sentient and invents time travel? Wash. Rinse. Repeat. is a very strange journey through time and underpants.

A hamster starts paying council tax, hires a solicitor and apparently owns the house. A bizarre, absurd short story about Brian Hamster and his plans.

Hooks For Hands IV: Celeb MasterChef, a ruined Bobotie and Gran phoning from Uncle Phil's to watch Strictly.